You look so misunderstood. I can relate to that feeling. I Pray to God with my arms wide open. Don’t lose sight in this fight or flight. Late nights are the worst for me my mind races faster then i can keep up. Ringing round like the sound of an ice cream truck. I remind my self not to stay awake for to long but the silence is intoxicating. How do we get away from our own thoughts that invade our mind like a poison in my veins. Tackle them on one by one. I feel hopeless, i wish we could help each other. I know no one will really bother.

I know I’m blessed but I’m cursed too. Late nights get the best of me, i just want relief, so i can quit spitting words out like vomit on a broken record. Hands are out but all i am asking for is love. The walls in my mind that continue to build higher and higher, leaving me trapped. I write to release and find relief and let out the real version of myself i don’t normally want you all to see. I carry fear, anger, sorrow, loss, all around with me like a ghost. Let me pause for a quick toast to them… The pain of Every one i love who has died haunts me, these walls are covered in pain, but its going to take more then just a coat of paint to look past the weight of my past that i carry. I close my eyes and i cant escape. If i were to let you inside i am scared so sorry for keeping these doors locked, i am swallowing the key. Don’t cross this caution tape. Ill tell you though my darlings not to worry, or maybe just try. Ill be alright i always am, im just cold and lonely can someone show me the way back to warmth, im beginning to forget what it feels like. Not everything is as easy as hoping back on a bike. I don’t want to be lonely stuck with myself in my mind sitting all alone. would somebody just take me home. Home where i can sit, be alone, my black silk throne to rest my head. Soft on my skin distracting me from The battle of my mind, The consequences of my recklessness. They say gratitude can elevate my attitude, i don’t know i tell my self crying isn’t like you looking in the mirror as my face distorts like a river.

I cant lie to be someone else for all of you anymore. Felling non human, being the opposite of who you thought i was. Its like the pain of life is keeping me high, but so low. I wont give in to goodbye. The world is full of trial and error which habitually turns to terror. Deep depression is a rotten curse, don’t let it abduct you taking you away in a Hearst. Gotta crawl again before we get to our feet. I will not accept defeat. Who is with me? So here is another toast, lets shed these ghosts.

Over n Out for now.

XO Maldo